Counseling Services of Portland
Outsmart
depression, anxiety and stress.
Suzie Wolfer LCSW 503-224-3318 suzie@suziewolfer.com
The Secret Science of Change: Stop Being So Hard on Yourself
By Suzie Wolfer LCSW
If you feel bad enough, you may make temporary changes, but then fall back in to the old pattern once the self-hate-motivation has worn off. And guess who’s waiting to tell you what a loser you are . . . the Inner Critic again.
This cycle can be very discouraging.
Most people mistakenly believe that change is a simple 2 step process:
- You make up your mind to change
- Then you change.
Behavioral scientist, John Prochaska, studied 1000s of people who successfully changed an important pattern in their lives. And he found some amazing results.
It takes 5 distinct stages to create
long lasting, satisfying, sustainable change.
Think of something you’d like to change. It might be arguing less with your child, going to the gym, eating more healthy food, cutting down on alcohol or drugs, dropping a few pounds. With that thought in mind, take this little survey. It will help you identify what stage of change you are in and perhaps be a little more gentle with yourself. You can tell the Inner Critic to get off your back. Because even thinking about changing is a crucial step.
Circle the number based on
how true each statement feels for you right now, not what you have felt in the
past or would like to feel.
Score your responses and see what it means. Then if you’re ready, get to work.
1 = Strongly Disagree
2 = Disagree 3 = Undecided 4 = Agree
5 = Strongly Agree
What I should do _____________________________________________________________________________
What I want to change is _____________________________________________________________________
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Typical thoughts of each stage |
Disagree Agree |
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1 2
3 4 5
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1 2
3 4 5
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1 2
3 4 5 |
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1 2
3 4 5
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1 2
3 4 5
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1 2
3 4 5 |
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1 2
3 4 5
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1 2
3 4 5
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1 2
3 4 5 |
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1 2
3 4 5
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1 2
3 4 5
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1 2
3 4 5 |
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1 2
3 4 5
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1 2
3 4 5
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1 2
3 4 5 |
Scoring
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Stage of Change |
Item Number |
Total Score |
|
Pre-contemplation Stage |
1 - 3 |
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Contemplation Stage |
4 - 6 |
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Preparation Stage |
7 - 9 |
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Action Stage |
10 - 12 |
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Maintenance Stage |
13 - 15 |
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.
Notice in which stage you
are working and notice what you expect of yourself.
Are you working on the most effective tasks?. If you are trying to be in the action stage
but have not completed the tasks of the contemplation or preparation stage, you may feel frustrated
and discouraged. It may be time to revise how fast you think you can make change, so
that it is satisfying and sustainable.
Read more about
each stage below to learn how to recognize where you are in the change process.
|
Stage |
Building the “House of Change” |
Example of someone with diabetes |
Tasks |
|
Pre-contemplation - You probably don’t recognize
that there is a problem.
People may tell you there is a problem but it’s either not important,
or you simply don’t agree |
You’re living in a tent
and it’s just fine with you. |
You have periods of
blurred vision, can’t think straight.
Your feet feel funny at times.
You’re thirsty all the time. Or
you may not even notice any of these symptoms |
|
|
Contemplation - In this stage you start to
see that there is a problem.
You wonder if the things you do, think or feel bring about the problem. You start to see
that choices you make lead to unwanted consequences. You may believe that you can’t do anything about it,
but you see your role. The more you define and explore the problem, the more
clarity you get that a solution may be possible. You may develop a little more confidence
that a better way is possible. You are
contemplating. You can not skip this
stage! For some people it can last
weeks, months, years and even most of one’s life. You think maybe some day you’ll do
something about it. |
You notice that it’s
drafty in the tent. You don’t have
friends over much. You think life
might be easier if you had a house with electricity, plumbing and heat. This awareness is the foundation for our New House of Change |
You start to notice that
every time you eat a big dessert in the middle of the afternoon you feel
awful. You can’t think straight. You’re VERY thirsty. You start to see the
connection. You might talk to friends about
this and they suggest maybe you have diabetes. You may even go to the doctor and find out you have Type 2 Diabetes. But you’re not quite ready to give up your big desserts, exercise or lose weight. You are a little curious
but not really serious about doing anything about it yet. |
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|
Decision Point Something
happens that wakes you up, Makes you
think. |
Your tent floods and you
know you don’t want to live like this any more. |
You get so mentally foggy
that your miss a deadline at work and people are really mad at you. You know you need to make some changes. |
This is an event, not a
stage that helps you realize that negatives of the behavior out-weigh the
positives. And you are now motivated
to take action. |
|
Preparation – When you arrive in the land of Preparation, you clearly see that what you do, think
and feel, brings causes the problem.
It isn’t someone else’s fault. You start to see that since you are the
cause, you may be part of the solution too.
You
start to develop confidence You start
thinking about a plan to change.
IMPORTANT! Notice that you are not changing anything
yet.! But you are getting
ready. And like the contemplation
stage, you cannot skip over this stage. |
You put up the stud walls,
plumbing, sheet rock, get the wiring done, lay on the roof, install the
windows, doors. The structure is set
up, but it’s not ready to live in yet.
It’s not sustainable as a permanent dwelling |
This time you talk to your doctor about a meal plan, and what might be good enough exercise. You ask a friend if they would be willing to take a weekly walk with you. You think about getting a dog. You’re laying the foundation for changes that you can sustain without Herculean effort. You make a plan you can
live with and implement gradually, a step at a time. |
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Action –
Now you have
a concrete plan to make the changes that really matter to you. You’ve got the support, information, time,
money and energy to change and all of a sudden it seems much more easy. You’ve broken your plan into manageable steps. And you take that first steps on your new
improved life. |
You pound the last nail, the utilities are hooked up delivering water, electricity, and gas. The carpets and furniture invites you to move in and take permanent residence. You’re Home. You’ve taking residence in the House of
Change and believe you could live here comfortably for many years. |
You begin a light exercise program, walking every other day for 10 minutes. You start having a low sugar smoothly for breakfast every day. You start to feel
better. So you start walking every day
for 10”. You take an easy dance
class. You play music when you get
home from work and have a light healthy snack. You realized you’ve
changed, and it wasn’t so hard after all. |
|
|
Maintenance - In this stage, you have successfully made your changes, and are enjoying
the benefits. You’ve had a
few slips, and you practice how to get back to a new improved plan that works
better each time you revise it. You know your
danger zones and how to either avoid them or maneuver through them. You have help and support when
you need it. The change seems to
sustain itself, simply because you feel better and are more happy. |
You’ve lived in the house
for many years and realize there is still work to do. Even a well built house needs maintenance |
You’ve had good blood sugar
levels for quite a while. And the
doctor reports your test revealed a problem, so you discuss additional strategies
to lower your blood sugar levels and implement them. |
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Imagine finding the culprit inside who thinks you’ll never succeed. Or the part who believes changes is impossible. Or the part who’s trying to solve a different problem, using the “problem behavior.” You may be mistaking yourself for these different points of view inside you. Meeting this “story” with compassion can accelerate the process of change.
SoulCollage® can also give you confidence and hope when you meet the wise and healthy parts of you. Imagine meeting the One who is the engine of change, ready to get to work, filled with enthusiasm and confidence.
Together we’ll find this voice inside you and activate this healthy partnership.
If
you are struggling with changing a pattern in your life, and you need a little
support to move through these stages, counseling can help. If you’d like to set up an appointment, please give me a
call or email to find out how the Secret Science of Change can help you
succeed.
Suzie@suziewolfer.com or 503-224-3318
References
McConnaughy, E.N.,
Prochaska, J. O., & Velicer, W.F. (1983). Stages of change in
psychotherapy: Measurement and sample profiles. Psychotherapy: Theory,
Research and Practice, 20, 368-375.
http://www.uri.edu/research/cprc/Measures/urica.htm
