Don’t let anger
issues ruin your life
It can arise when we’ve been cut off by a careless driver, or when someone has been thoughtless or mean.
The good news is that there are many successful ways to respond rather than using anger.
Examining your unconscious views about anger can be the first step to change.
All basic emotions are necessary and hard wired. It’s not to helpful to stuff them. Emotion is one way the body communicates its needs. But it doesn’t mean we need to automatically react. When we examine the feeling, we can respond in a more effective way and turn things around
It turns out the more angry you act, the more angry you get. It’s like a pot boiling over. It doesn’t make for a good meal. Rather than calming us, it just makes a bigger mess to clean up
When we’re in the physiology of anger, our thinking can justify anything. It’s hard to problem solve when your mind is hijacked by anger. You may tell yourself “she made me angry” and justify your angry outbursts. It’s not true and worse yet, it doesn’t help.
Ignoring feelings robs us of the opportunity to examine what is really wrong and fix it. Anger is not the problem. The problem is the problem.
We can’t “control” emotion. Emotions happen. We can manager our response to emotion. Like a wave on the ocean, emotions rise up, crest and descend. Learning to watch for this natural rhythm in body sensation helps you manage this intense energy
Stuck angry feelings are caused by often unseen or forgotten incidents and have nothing to do with the “reasons” we tell our selves we are angry. There are many ways to work with these intense feelings: Breath work, talking with a friend, journaling, hanging out with a pet, going for a walk as well as therapy can help you remember and strengthen the part of you that is loving, calm and confident. Check out Susan Doak’s tips.
If you grew up with someone who bullied you, or didn’t listen to you, without thinking about this you may instinctively act as if it is you or them and it better be you. You may feel that you need to be loud and angry to get people to listen. But do you really want people to fear you? My guess is if you had a choice, you’d choose cooperation and collaboration and the sense of belonging that comes from working together.
This works as well as squirting kerosene on a fire to put it out! Anger usually triggers anger in others because of the mirror neurons in our brains. You may get someone to back down temporarily, but only like a banked fire, ready to spark into a fire in the right conditions.
If you’re considering a little help with anger issues, we are here to help you. We offer you simple, easy to use skills, a supportive and safe environment to help you find a better way.
Stop hurting the people you care about.